My close friend shares her story of how she waits with hope.
My husband and I waited five years to have kids. When asked about it, we always said we “weren’t ready”. Truthfully, we were scared to take that giant step. When we finally decided to start trying, it happened right away. I was pregnant the next month and we were on our way to starting our family. I was extremely sick throughout my entire pregnancy. My husband did most of the nesting because I basically tried to sleep months six, seven and eight away.
My due date came and went, which is I guess is the case for most first time deliveries. My doctor ended up scheduling us for an induction date. This baby was much too comfortable and was going to need some encouragement. We checked in to Labor and Delivery on Saturday morning and our sweet bundle of joy decided to join us Sunday evening. We were beyond thrilled with this new life who came into our family.
Two years later, we would become pregnant again. So excited to bring another amazing, precious child into our world. I was four months along and we were due to find out the sex of the baby at our next appointment. I woke up one morning and had a distressing sign that no pregnant woman ever wants to see. I called the advice nurse and she said it was normal and unless it got worse that everything was probably fine.
It got worse. We went to the emergency room. They took an ultrasound. There was no heartbeat. This would be the first of five times that we would hear that horrible phrase, “I’m so sorry, there is no heartbeat.” My doctors had given me every test imaginable. Everything came back with a normal result and even they were perplexed by what was happening. They could not understand why I would make it to as far as twenty weeks and then miscarry. My doctor eventually said, “There is no medical reason why this is happening.”
There have been many times when I was angry with God. I have felt passed over. I have felt mistrust towards Him. It is during those dark times that I have to make a choice to take control of my thoughts, attitude and words that come out of anger and hurt. During these times I cling to the Bible.
My husband and I have faith in God. We believe that his ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts higher than ours. Though this journey has been heartbreaking and devastating at times, we are grateful that we were given our beautiful son. We believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross to save us from an eternity separated from him and that if he never did another thing for us, he has done more than enough.
The good news is that His sacrifice is not where our blessings end. He has given us countless more blessings and provided comfort beyond measure through our time of trial. He has given us hope and a future, just as He promised. My husband and I have only become closer as a result of this tremendous hardship. Our son is a wonderful, caring and compassionate person.
A few months ago I was praying that God would give us direction on how to proceed with growing our family. The next day I heard a preacher talking about the story of Abraham and Sarah. In this story, the Angel tells Abraham that his wife Sarah will have a baby. Sarah is listening from afar and laughs because she is an old woman and has tried her whole life to have children. The preacher went on to explain that God is a God of healing and has the ability to heal us even when we think there is no hope. I thought to myself, “This is it! This is my answer.” Then an hour later, I received a text message with the number to an adoption agency. I thought, “Ok, maybe this is it! This is my answer.” I was a little confused and had to laugh. God promptly answered my prayer (which usually isn’t the case for me) but I got two completely different answers. I talked to a friend about it and she said to pray for further direction.
I called the adoption agency and was able to make an appointment to meet with the director. Our appointment is coming soon. We are still in prayer about how our story is going to unfold.
I have come to realize that God is my healer. Even if he may not heal my physical body, he will heal my broken heart. He will renew my joy. He will rescue me with his unfailing love. He will restore my life. He will give my family hope and a future.